For sale: rare piece of polar paradise

After 200 years of enjoyment and hard work in their polar hideaway, Mr and Mrs Santa Claus have decided it’s time for a new owner to take over this special property situated in the tightly held North Pole enclave.

The property ticks all the boxes for tradies, small business owners, entertainers, or even medical practitioners. “We’ve been so happy here,” says Mrs Claus, “but the time has come for a new owner to take up the reindeer reins”.

The rising sea temperatures will provide delightful near‐tropical swimming conditions for the lucky new owners, according to Mr and Mrs Claus. “Gone are the days when my husband had to wear a fur‐lined suit,” said Mrs Claus. “In fact, we now have to manage an ice melt situation, something we never dreamt of in the past.” Mr Claus, known as “Santa” to his family and friends, agrees. “I’ve had to invest in a pair of red Speedos,” he says. “Luckily, I do all my work out of the public eye!”

The Clauses have been able to manage COVID‐19 restrictions with minimal disruption. “We have long provided contactless service,” said Santa. “Social distancing is also part of our modus operandi. We do all our deliveries at night, and have no physical contact with recipients. Our sleigh is fully ventilated so there is no chance of COVID‐19 being recirculated to anyone. It has been a bit tricky finding masks to cover all the beard, but the latest solution — a pillowcase borrowed from one of our clients — is working well.”

“Our elves are all on JobKeeper, which is a great relief,” he added.

The igloo itself offers two large bedrooms plus study, the study being essential for Santa to answer his mail, although this year, there have been fewer letters than usual. “But I’ve been getting a lot of USA Democrat voting papers,” Santa said. “They seem to be sending them up here for some reason.”

The central bathroom is agleam with melting ice, and the traditional sauna has an ever‐increasing temperature. Ice baths are still available — they’ve been creeping closer and closer to the igloo, so that now the waves are gently lapping the back door. The drenched family room has a unique constant dripping feature.

Commanding panoramic views will amaze your guests as they crawl out the front door — they may even find themselves floating around the polar seas on an ice floe.

The workshop is huge and will offer work from home options to tradies, small businesses etc. The sale includes nine reindeer (one of whom seems to be troubled by acne rosacea).

This property would also suit a medical practitioner looking for a quiet rural lifestyle close to cross‐country and cross‐water skiing, sea kayaking etc. Consultations minimal, if ever. This is a once‐in‐a‐lifetime opportunity; don’t delay! Property disappearing fast.

Agent: Polar Bear Realty.