No-nonsense unmentionables

Anyone with young children or familiar with children’s literature will know there has been an explosion in the number of books about bottoms. Titles such as The day my bum went psycho and The bugalugs bum thief (the latter by Tim Winton no less) are on high rotation in most school libraries. UK physician Dr Margaret Stearn’s The must-have health guide perhaps represents an expansion of this publishing phenomenon into the area of consumer health.

As the title page advises, the book focuses not on respectable medical conditions such as diabetes, but on “life’s embarrassing problems”. Its concerns are the floppy, the spotty, the leaky, the smelly and the discharging. Hiccups, blushing, bad breath, snoring, shaky hands, and shyness are the only topics covered that don’t directly relate to breasts, bottoms, genitals, blemishes of skin and appendages, or urination. Surprisingly, even after 35 years of women’s magazines covering every aspect of sexual anatomy, function and disease, genital conditions still constitute the bulk of embarrassing health problems, at least according to Stearn.

Alphabetically organised by problem, from acne to wind, the information (including treatment), is fairly detailed, readily comprehensible, and eminently practical. Unlike most self-help guides The must-have health guide is evidence-based, providing frequent references. Each problem entry concludes with a list of contacts. While most of these are UK based, they all have web addresses.

The tone of the book is English in a rather brisk, no-nonsense but not unfriendly way. It’s a little like having a very knowledgable aunt in a thick tweed skirt and sensible shoes, a slight twinkle in her eye, ever ready with practical advice. For instance, in the “small breasts” section Stearn provides extensive information about breast implants, but reminds us that small breasts are “just as functional as large ones, get less droopy, are a kilo less to carry around and are good for sports”. The book is also studded with more whimsical pieces of information. Did you know, for example, that a study of male Mensa members showed they had thicker body hair than average, and the most intelligent had hairy backs?

For those embarrassed by crab lice, faecal incontinence or urinating during sex — and let’s face it, most of us still are — this is an extremely helpful guide.

Simon C CowapGeneral Practitioner Newtown, NSW