Protons

(a friend, his son)
“They said I should beam protons
into his brain
fuzzy with morphine
and pain

in the room where
he hung on shadows
of life, side by side
with death
waiting for me

that I might see his smile
a last time.

Where have you gone beams
of particles or light or waves
that my son
could not ride you
back to this world.

They said I should not live in anger.

They don’t know
I don’t know why
I’m not packing my bags
to carry him across
the valley of sadness.

They don’t know
anger lives in me, raging fire —
the colour of
consumed life.”